Over the decade that Edge has been casting its gimlet eye on the videogame industry, our electronic pastime has been the subject of countless ignorant assaults. Perhaps the most pernicious of the accusations regularly levelled at games is that they are not educational. Well, on the contrary, I feel that I have learned an awful lot from videogames over the years. And I don’t mean in a tedious schoolmasterly sense, as in the right way to manage city finances, or the correct use of flaps when flying a Cessna; I mean real, practical useful knowledge that can be of benefit to us in our daily lives. So in homage to 10 years of serious videogame criticism, I should like this month to celebrate what games have taught me.

1. Motoring advice

You should always get out of a car when it is about to explode. On the other hand, until flames are actually pouring from underneath the bonnet, it is perfectly roadworthy.

The best way to get round a tight corner while racing touring cars or F1 machines is by bouncing off the other cars.

No matter how dangerously you drive, innocent pedestrians on the sidewalk will usually manage to jump out of the way in time.

Everything is a possible ramp for a cool driving stunt.

A determined person can hijack a tank. (You will probably have to wait for the next Gulf War to try this for yourself.)

2. Finding your way

People who lock doors always leave keys nearby for you to find. Just keep looking.

Evil overlords who build dizzyingly complex dungeons always leave a handy map locked in a chest, the key to which, of course, is always left nearby for you to find.

If ever you are lost, or not quite sure what to do, a large glowing white arrow will appear on the ground and guide you to an appropriate destination.

If you are afraid of being seen, simply open all doors very slowly. It then becomes impossible for anyone to notice you. Guards never station themselves behind doors, for reasons known only to themselves. This infallible method of opening doors slowly can be used to impress your friends at hide-and-seek parties.

3. Know your enemy

The dangers of handguns are hysterically overrated by mainstream society. Shooting a man with a gun is just likely to annoy him a little bit; you have to shoot him many times to cause any serious injury. On the other hand, it is possible to kill someone instantly by shooting them seven times in the ankle.

Incorporeal monsters made of pure shadow can be beaten by brandishing a stick. Demons from hell can be dispatched with bullets. A sword can pass through the torso of a man, for instance an irritating middle-manager, with no apparent ill effect. Buy a Shaolin broadsword from any good martial-arts supplier and try this yourself: you’ll be amazed.

If you break a man’s arm with a jointlock, he will just grimace a bit, and then continue to fight as if nothing has happened. The only way to disable someone in unarmed combat is actually to rip out their spine. Practise this on snotty 12-year-olds first.

If you meet a monster, don’t worry. No matter how enormous and frightening a monster may be, it will always have a targetable weak spot. Some monsters choose to leave this weak spot as the only part of their body not covered in impenetrable armour; others beg to be killed by exposing their weak spot in a “pattern” that is as predictable as clockwork. Always count on the stupidity of your foe and you will be fine.

Small-arms fire is underrated. If you have enough ammunition, you can kill anything with a pistol, from a Tyrannosaurus Rex to a dragon.

Bipedal-humanoid is the most efficient shape for a giant robot.

4. Health and safety

A chocolate bar is excellent medicine for a flesh wound. If you are more seriously injured, for instance if you have been shot five times, you will need a roll of bandages and a can of spray-on antiseptic.

Some high falls will kill you, but you can fall any distance into water with no ill effects. You can test this by jumping off the Forth Bridge.

It can be dangerous to play with pineapples. All other fruit is good for you.

You should try to eat a whole roast turkey every day or so, but fluids are unnecessary: a person can go days or weeks without water.

Death is inconvenient but not final.

5. Career counselling

US Marines, SWAT officers, special-forces commandos and police officers enjoy effectively unlimited killing rights in the name of law enforcement. The notion of Miranda warnings is just a fiction for TV-watching liberal pansies. Incurable psychopaths are welcomed with open arms by these institutions.

On the other hand, if you choose a life of crime, which is certainly a viable career path, you can be sure that your local law-enforcement agencies will be staffed by thoroughly incompetent kamikaze lunatics.

All scientists are cowards. At the first sign of trouble, scientists will immediately go to cower in a corner with their hands above their heads. They are also traitorous. Do not become a scientist. Unless your name is Gordon, in which case it might be okay.

Prostitution is a thankless job.

6. Ethics and society

Wherever you go, always remember to smash any and all priceless urns, vases, bowls and so on that you happen across. Kindly mysterious persons often leave objects of value inside such receptacles, and no one else would dream of objecting to your ebullient destruction of pottery. The British Museum looks like a good place to start.

Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

There’s nothing wrong with burglary: if you see anything that might be of use in someone else’s house, just grab it. They won’t mind.

The purpose of conversation is always and only to elicit clues. Once an interlocutor has told you what you need to know, feel free to beat him up.

Friendship between females is based on nothing more than a clinically calculated relationship of reciprocal gift-giving. This can possibly be used to a man’s advantage: any woman will melt if a stranger walks up to her in a bar and gives her a bikini.

These priceless tips of course represent only a small selection from the vast store of practical knowledge I have gleaned from videogames. After careful consideration, you too may find that applying such lessons to your daily life can lead to a far more entertaining and satisfying existence.